Am I?

I'm asking myself, am I trying to understand or am I trying to forget...? The questions that seem to be unanswered in my mind are really answered in my reality..., but I wonder am I trying to understand the answers are just simply forget? The uneasy misleading vibe controls the void in my heart, but then my mind ask the question and reality answers them, but my heart continues to break. Why do we hold on to hurt and run from what feels good? Is it the fear of not being enough for someone else or is it the attachment to what it use to be...? who really knows? At times we tend to capture in our heart what it could be through the pain or what we want it to be after the pain, instead of where we NEED to be at that moment.....hmmmm mind over reality...so am I trying to understand or simply forget?